Anger

The Beta Blockers don’t seem to be working this week. I have
suffered from several separate bouts of anger this week. On the
surface each episode is unrelated to the next. But I suspect that
they are actually all the same.

A former business associate learned that I was closing the office
here and was moving into the office at the County seat. So she
wanted to come get a few things she had left here, read abandoned,
when she left six months ago. I didn’t mind, I never wanted the
stuff to start with. But she also thought that maybe she would take
the phones! I explained that phones are portable and that these
phones were going on the road with me.

Then to make matters worse, she filled the secretary in the office I
am moving to with images of me as the dragon lady. Secretary
there will not be my secretary, so I had to assure her that she was in
no danger from my red pen. Thank you very much former business
associate. I really needed the staff there to be afraid of me before I
even moved in.

Now, I had nearly recovered from that little insult when my very
sweet aunt requested that I come to dinner. She stated that A) it
was not a family thing B) they needed for me to come and provide
information about family research and C) there would be food. As
it turns out, none of this was really true. It was a family thing, part
of the family anyway. They did not want my knowledge, they
wanted me to tell one of my elderly uncles, in 100 words or less,
how to do extensive genealogical research. He was convinced, and
probably still is, that I know some secret source for all the
information. Nothing could be further from the truth. At last count
I had gathered information from over 90 sources, including blogs.

The final insult was the dinner on offer. Ham, more pork in the
vegetables, and lots of deserts. The grain offered was in the form
of white biscuits. The black eyed peas were cooked with pork, the
green beans were cooked with pork. I settled on a little slaw, a
little apple salad and a side salad. I also ate an oatmeal cookie and
decaf coffee. Half the people there know I am a vegetarian, but
they seemed to think that I could just pick the pork out. My sister
told me they had pork because it was free. Not for the pig I said.

By midnight I had cooled off enough to actually sleep. Today I am
not angry. But I am really working at staying away from everyone
who might piss me off today. So far so good.

I know none of this is important enough to merit anger, certainly
not to the extent it had me. So it must have been something else in
the mix. Anger is rarely of merit. The sort that just comes over
you is almost never good. But it certainly did serve notice on me
that I have not overcome much, I have just managed to control my
environment enough to avoid most personal anger triggers.

And you know, that makes me a little mad...