The Razor's Edge


I have always been interested by a strange psychological perception
shift that is brought about by transparency and being fully present
without self. The shift is that you find yourself suddenly able to
actually see and hear what someone is telling you, regardless of
what words they use. It does not occur often (at least for me).

It did happen for me over the weekend. I was listening to a speaker
and I heard him telling me what his temptation was. I
wasn’t really aware that I was tuned in on that level until I thought
“gee, I’m glad I didn’t tell him about combing his hair back” (which
has sorely tempted me) in response to seeing and hearing the
temptation he struggles with.

Anyway, now I see this person as on the Razor’s Edge (a chosen
path so narrow as to be extraordinarily difficult to walk and from
which you suffer grievous damage if you fall) and I will not become
part of the temptation.

Which brings me to the question of sin. I have always felt that
some things may be a sin for some people and not for others. And
without getting into deep waters here, I believe I can back that up
with scripture. (At least to my satisfaction). Anyway, part of not
sinning is not causing someone else to sin. And on the deeper level,
part of not causing someone else to sin is recognizing that
something might be sinful for them, and not for you.

Sunday with the Pirates of the Caribbean - At World's End

I was sick Sunday. Spouse urged me to go to church anyway,
reminding me I could feel bad there as well as at home. He was
right, so we dressed up like Pirates and away we went. It was great
fun to see all the other people dressed up like Pirates. We had
lunch after, very nice and then all went to the Rave to see Pirates of
the Caribbean III. The movie was very long, a little tedious and a
little preachy. BUT it was still fun. Johnny Depp is seriously funny
and ravishing in a non-sexy sort of way, and Keith Richards was
perfect as his father. I very much liked William Turner taking Davy
Jones’s place as the Captain of the Flying Dutchman, I know all
those lost at sea souls will be safe in his care. Best of all I really
liked the use of many of the same crew, and the continuation of the
character development. Still, it was too long by 20 minutes. Oh
yes, the delectable and very talented Mr. Chow Yun-Fat makes a
terrific Pirate!

I was much sicker by the time I got home and on Monday I was
totally miserable. I spent much of the day trying to get comfortable
and the rest of it crying and feeling rather sorry for myself. Today
is better, though I am not really well I have hope of being so soon.

Diary of the Abandoned - May 28, 2008

Much has happened since I last wrote. I would not now, but
someone should, we all should, and one day someone will figure
out what happened.

The flooding is severe, more than a million have died of drowning.
No one has sickened with flood water illnesses, which no one but
me seems to think matters much. Shore lines are changing. Some
coastal areas have just disappeared.

Hospitals have become trauma centers since no one is sick. Even
AIDS patients have recovered completely. And even with the
extreme stress of our loses and suffering no one seems to be
cracking up. There have been lots of looting related deaths and
some killings between drug sellers and users, but none that could be
attributed to passion or rage or even irrationality. All were simple
cold-blooded killings.

There is a security counsel now. It is worldwide, every country
participates. All law enforcement, all government, all armed forces
are part of it. The rules are simple thou shalt nots. 1. Do not steal.
2. Do not kill. 3. Do not incite or participate in riots. The
penalties are stiff, if you are caught stealing you may be shot on
sight. If you kill, you are killed. If you incite riots by standing on a
street corner exhorting your fellow man, you can be shot.

Still, there are riots everywhere.

Everything is green. The temperatures remain stable worldwide
and where there is no flooding, the world is as green as paradise.
There are things blooming I have never seen before. And the birds .
. . I wish Sarah was here to see them.

Junk, Stuff and a Not So Good Day

I am a little out of sorts today. The weight loss is going well, I am
down 70 pounds. The weird thing is that very few people have
noticed. This pretty much confirms for me that after a certain point
fat people are really invisible. That’s not why I’m out of sorts. The
plumbing is acting up, and I am feeling sorry for chunks of my life
(mostly where it has intersected with others) that I cannot change.
I am also put out with myself for all the stuff I have accumulated. I
had thinned a good bit out and had put a good bit in storage and
put more in my Rossville office. When I closed it, a good bit of
stuff had to come home.

I have pretty good stuff, but not “valuable” stuff. The only reason
to keep most of it is because I don’t want to get rid of it. On a
deeper level it must represent something to me that I am not ready
to let go of. I cannot use it all at once, unless I develop a taste for
very busy crowded rooms. I like open, serene, airy spaces. How
do you balance that with two dinning tables, two sofas, chairs
galore, odd tables, a thousand books and all the book cases,
uncountable lamps, hundreds of canvases and prints, lots of pottery,
lots of statues, and on and on and on?

So I am a little down on myself. I preach simplicity and
abandonment of consumerism and I am drowning in stuff. And that
is why I am cross with myself today.

Diary of the Abandoned - May 13, 2008

I cannot convey the many things happening everywhere as it is
overwhelming. There is no longer illness. Worldwide night
temperatures are not dropping below 65° or going above 80°. Day
temperatures are between 70° and 85° everywhere. There is
flooding as the ice is melting. There have been massive casualties
in flooded areas. There is much violence in the cities and in most
countries, including the US, the armies have taken over all
government functions.

There are reports that animals everywhere have turned on their
owners, run away from home, and become far more aggressive to
humans. To humans, not to each other. There is a report that the
snow leopards at the little zoo in Chattanooga killed their keeper,
then strolled out the gate. They were joined by the zoo dogs and a
donkey. By the time they reached the old rose gardens other dogs
and some house cats had joined them. Spectators said they were
playing together, resting together and that the cats were eating
grass.

This morning when I fed the hens, they were nowhere to be seen,
latter I looked out and there they were, on the ground eating, and
with them was a red tail hawk and several rats. Aliens did not
come. Whatever took some of us, restored the animals and freed
them from us. Predators are eating grass.

They are still interviewing religious leaders everywhere, the report
today is that Jerry Falwell, Pat Robertson, and the Archbishop of
Canterbury all agree with the Pope, it was not the Rapture.

I am living in interesting times.

I miss you Sarah.

MOTHER'S DAY and the Return of the Yellow Deli and the Twelve Tribes

Yellow Deli and The Twelve Tribes in Chattanooga

I could not remember if a group Spouse wants to join at Mosaic
was meeting last night or next week so Spouse drove over last
night, to make sure he was there if it was last night. It wasn’t.
While he was out he picked up a “FreePaper” in town and brought
it home to me. I read it, I liked some of it, some made my little red
flags go up. This morning I was bothered by the idea that it was
like something I already knew, so I checked out the website listed
on the paper, twelvetribes.org.. It turns out that these folks are the
old Yellow Deli people. The Yellow Deli made great food and was
staffed by interesting people. The Yellow Deli in Chattanooga was
the birthplace of the Twelve Tribes communities. There is
apparently a Twelve Tribes house in Chattanooga now.

Mother's Day

Mosaic is where we are sitting. I heard someone at Mosaic say this
week that he had been sitting with something for a time. It is an
eastern idea, sitting, you can sit with something or with someone.
It shows the willingness to be with, and not just to hear or be done
to. While I hope that at some point in the future I can DO with
Mosaic, for now I am SITTING WITH Mosaic.

This weeks “sitting with” gave me much. The morning service
(Jesus’s relationship with his Mother) and the evening teaching
(core values) were excellent. But it was a member who showed me
Jesus on Sunday. All the children, and adults, with mothers
present, gave their mother a rose provided by the church. I was
wishing my mother was with us, even though she has her own
church (she is an elder), and feeling a little guilty that I had not
gone to church with her, and I was thinking of my own children,
who were not with me and about my mother in law, whom I also
love. Jessica came to me and asked if I was a mother, I said yes,
she went and got a rose and gave it to me. It may be a long time
before I can remember this without crying.

I spent the middle part of the day with all the family. It was so
very good. Mother's Day helps me remember with tenderness all
the deep joys and shared sorrows of family.

MONKS LUNCH


On Saturdays I make dish we call Monks Lunch. It is simple to
prepare, easy to eat and carries us through our most physical
working day. Monks Lunch is brown rice, lentils and lightly
sauteed vegetables, the vegetables vary but always include onions.
Usually the vegetables are some combination of onions, mushrooms
and red peppers, but they can be almost anything. The leftovers
can be eaten cold or reheated. I like to chop up tomato, mix it into
the leftovers and eat it with whole wheat Pita bread.

Monks Lunch is not a dish to write home about. But it meets the
bodies needs, it is wholesome, cheap and easy to make. On the
road of eating to live, instead of living to eat, it is a good stop.

Today I had leftover Monks Lunch for my office lunch. It was a
great relief to not have to hunt all over town for an acceptable
vegetarian lunch. I thanked G-d for the pleasure of simple food.
May we remember the hungry in our prayers and keep before us the
suffering of our fellow creatures.

Diary of the Abandoned - May 11, 2008

MAY 11, 2008

One human has died of natural causes, a woman in North Dakota, it
was her 119th birthday, making her 120 in real years. Several
people died of gunshot wounds in Florida and a farmer in Alabama
died after being gored by a cow. Otherwise, the hospitals are
empty. No one has said it yet, but cancer is gone, so is AIDS, heart
disease and emphysema. There are rumors that hypertension and
diabetes are gone too.

People look different. I think my hair is getting darker and my
stomach is flatter. I can flex my fingers faster and my feet don’t
hurt. My neighbors look different. Mrs. Jamison has to be in her
80's, the last time I saw her, before the day, she was walking with a
cane and was wearing glasses. Today she is out in her yard
working. No glasses, no cane.

The animals are different, but except for a cow goring a farmer, this
has not made the news. The hens are wild as crows now, they raise
a ruckus when I come out and watch me like I was a hawk. They
still eat the grain I throw out, but only after I am back in the house.
I had to go town this morning for supplies, a raccoon was working
on a trash bin in the daylight. Two bluejays were chasing and
pecking a man on a bicycle. Ladybug said her five year old dog
growled at her last night and rushed out the door when she was
taking out the trash. The dog has not been back.

No one seems to know where the missing twenty percent of the
population went. The only thing they agree on is that it was not the
Rapture. They seem to think that if it had been, more religious
leaders would have been taken, no Muslims or Jews either. The
final nail in the argument is that the Pope wasn’t taken so it
couldn’t be the Rapture. I think they’re wrong.

I miss you Sarah.

Diary of the Abandoned - May 9, 2008



MAY 9, 2008

More news, worldwide the weather has stabilized. Days
everywhere go no higher then 85, no lower then 55. It has rained
gently for about twenty minutes each night since the event. There
is flooding in many places where the ice is melting quickly. There
have been reports that some green is beginning to show in desert
areas.

I can’t worry about flooding or green deserts. It seems worse to
me that Sarah is gone. The hens also now, Sarah would have
expected me to care for them, and I did, but this morning when I
went to feed them they were not in the pen. At first I thought it
was happening again, but then I saw one of the hens in the top of
the redbud tree and later I saw another of them on the roof. I
didn’t think they could fly.

The odd news, the bit that worries me most, is that no one has died
since noon on May 5. No one. Not one human death anywhere in
the world. Not one.

Diary of the Abandoned - May 5, 2008 and May 6, 2008

 THE RAPTURE

MAY 5, 2008

It happened at 11:48 a.m. today. She had kissed me on the
forehead on her way to feed the chickens. After thirteen years I still
was smitten with love for her, so I watched out the bathroom
window. The hens came running, she scattered grain, laughing
happily at chicken antics. I could see her lips moving, but could not
hear what she said, probably calling them by name, one by one.
Then she stopped tossing grain, her face froze, the hens all stopped
eating and stood stock still. She looked up, and her face was
changed. She smiled, a wide, pure, wild smile, I had never seen
before. Her skin gleamed all colors, like oil on water, but pale.
Then she changed again, glowing, but fading. I saw nothing above
her but air. I looked where she looked, nothing. I looked where
the chickens looked, still motionless, and could not see what they
saw. I too was frozen, I wanted to run to her, to grab her, but I
just stood there with the curtain pushed back and watched her
become transparent, then she was gone. The chickens stood
another moment, and so did I. Then they went back to eating as if
nothing had happened.

That was at 11:48 this morning. Now, five hours later, the world,
what of it is left, is consumed with chaos. There is news, but no
phone service, all lines busy. Regular programing abandoned, only
news on every station.

MAY 6, 2008

I waited, half hopeful, half grieving, for her to come back. But she
hasn’t and I know she won’t. The news has been on constantly, but
I am only now able to bear watching it. So far the report seems to
be that about every fifth adult on earth is gone. All infants, all
young children, most of the preteens, even babies unborn, all gone.
Except for the children there is no real commonality. Families say
the one missing was kind, or good or strange. At first they said the
Rapture, the second coming, but that can’t be, since many of the
missing are Hindus or Jews or Muslims or something. So it isn’t
the Rapture. Some experts say aliens or terrorists. I don’t think so.
I saw her face, she wanted what got her.

I fed the hens today, first time ever. They always ran squawking up
to Sarah but they were quiet today and didn’t start eating until I
was back in the house.